I know you are going to be shocked, but I just had to come clean. Are you ready for the truth. Ok. I`ll tell you. (Not the gumdrop buttons!) No? Nobody got my Shrek quote? I`ll admit it, I took some time to mope and drown my sorrows in a book, when I should have been writing for you. Great use of my day off, huh?
I know some of my valiant and faithful readers (that would be you, I`d assume) have become a little annoyed with me. I understand. Though I do post every day (two slip ups total this month isn`t too bad, is it?) I have become a little lazy with it, and myself. Instead of diligentlyt working on a post the night before so that every post get scheduled and posted at ten o`clock sharp each morning in Eastern Standard time, I`ve been late on a number of occasions. Take today, for example.
I know it`s terrible, but I can`t help it. You see, I`m a bit of a drifter. Though writing has always been a constant in my life, I like to change everything else every so often. I just get so driven and fired up about things, I`d be burned out if I tried to keep pushing myself to keep doing the same thing. I`m really more of a pioneer and adventurer than a settler. I can`t remove that itch in my bones.
The thing is, that sort of mindset comes in a cycle, at least for me. I have one year where I set down roots, make friends, and get comfortable with a new location and situation. I learn all I can, and I start to find out where I can be of the most use, and what changes need to be made. Then I get fired up and ready for action the next year, starting all manner of things and really setting a whirlwind of change through a place. Sometimes I even stay there for a third year, and I gradually ease off my involvement, encouraging the most promising successor I`ve been around to take my place, and take charge of things.
Among other things, I do this because this system works. Sure, that means that just when things are starting to work out, I`m leaving. I know it doesn`t sound like fun, but it helps to keep me from getting cocky. It also helps support both sides of my personality, as my transition year is often used in mainly introverted pursuits, while my fire year is taken up almost completely by extroverted activities, often with a super crammed schedule to match. It is a good system, as it gives me a chance to recharge all aspects of my personality, and prevents the dreaded burnout.
I get all of that.
However, when I am in that transition year, I get really antsy and annoyed. I guess I did too good of a job relaxing over the Summer, as I`m rearing to go quite a while before August, which is when I`m supposed to get all excited. Did I mention my cycles are not only biannual, but also follow the school year? It just seems to make the most sense that way.
I would jump into the fray and get to work early, as I am just that anxious to get to work. The only problem is, I don`t know what I`m supposed to be working on now. Too many changes, I guess. Should I put all of my energies into writing a book, or is that too tame a pursuit? I tried it, and it just doesn`t bring out that warrior spirit within, so I know it can`t be the right thing to do now.
Should I expand my Etsy offerings? I know I don`t really have the greatest selection, so I should get to work on making all of my other ideas happen, so I can get my first sale. (Still waiting for that, but I`m awfully patient.)
Should I get more involved in volunteering? I would say yes, but there seems to be no way to get to anything. I`ve realized now that my youthful (and city slicker) ideas that I can get and do anything I want with public transportation would be true, if I had an apartment in the city. As it is, I`m in the suburbs, saving some money so I can travel the world as soon as I get my degree. So, I need to learn how to drive. Working on that. Meanwhile, I can`t go volunteering, get another job, or go to club activities in my college.
That`s frustrating, just writing about what I can`t do.
I can write, and I can make cute wire sculptures. I can paint and draw, I can make up great outfits, I can keep my nails in perfect condition. I can read just about anything that`s written in English, and I go through Dickens and Austen like a breeze. I can do lots of things. Just not the things I want to do.
So, rather than leave you hanging another day, I felt I should share some of my cabin fever with you. I know just hearing about it will drive you a little crazy, and I might get some pity or encouragement, so I suppose I feel a little better now. I really just wanted to share my excuses on why I haven`t been posting in a timely manner, but I suppose all I did was explain how that really shouldn`t be the case.
I suppose I just can`t do calm things like tapping away on a keyboard when I feel this frustrated. I need to get that energy out somehow, but good luck finding a way to do that. My treadmill has been broken for a year, and it doesn`t look like there will be a replacement anytime soon.