I run now, plodding steadily along on a stationary treadmill. There is no excitement in it, and yet it is comforting to absorb yourself in an action and finally take a break, however short, from your constantly running brain. I run on the hills as well, to become a part of the sunshine I run beside. It is my friend, goading me to greater lengths and speed.
I`m not sure it is something that really can be explained, or should be, at least not at this stage. I suppose I`m a bit of a beginer runner, if not in spirit than in length of time. I have always run, from beloved soccer practice in Kindergarden to despised soccer practice in sixth grade. I ran on the field, I ran off of it. I ran during high school and middle school too, in short bursts here and there when the need overcame me. As a city girl, I ran to cross the street before I got hit by cars, and when I visited the countryside I ran to keep up with others.I ran in gym class, because I was forced to.
I didn`t run anymore than that, out of some need to preserve my dignity. What dignity couldbookworm have had? I regularly managed to do twelve minute mile runs, and that was with some spurts of jogging! But I really wanted to run. I wanted to be someone who could be at the front of the pack, who could run and do sports and consider it all to be a fun game. But it wasn`t. I was slow, and kind of embarrassed. So I resolved to simply stop trying, and give up on ever being good. Funny how I cared more about dignity and image then than I do now as an ‘adult’. (At least I am legally, even if I don`t feel like it!)
Why did I start running this year? I wanted to be fit, slim. I wanted to get my healthy time done and out of the way, because walking took so long and was much too boring for me.
But now, I run because it feels good. I jump out of bed in the mornings, and the first thing I want to do is run. And then I get started, and it feels so good to know how much I`ve improved since I started. It feels good to pump my legs, to move, to feel strong, to really feel alive. And when things get difficult, and my muscles burn and my breathing becomes short, and I feel good and strong knowing that I keep going despite that. And afterwards, when everything is sore and I`m kind of gross, I feel the blood still rushing through me, and it feels good to be alive.
I run because I like to, I need to, I want to, I must.