Hello friends. I have been a bit derailed in life in general lately- no blog posts, no progress on my pet projects, mostly nothing at all. I wanted to share a little heart to heart with you on that.
Just a few weeks apart I faced the death of not one, but two grandparents. I loved them both dearly, but the death of my mother’s father was especially painful as we hadn’t had much time to anticipate this happening and because he raised me as much as my parents did.
I also loved my other grandpa dearly, but we had the comfort with him of having plenty of warning and time to say any last words. I didn’t get even that with my grandpa that declined fairly rapidly and lost his voice early in the process.
And this hard time I’ve taken some time off of work to spend time with friends, and loved ones. And reading. So much reading. One of the greatest ways to give ourselves a little distance and clarity when grieving is to drown ourselves in the world of fiction. So I spent a few nights ordering Thai takeout and binge watching movies. I did some shopping and bought over a hundred used dvds- normally I avoid retail therapy but this felt so right. I ate a lot of desserts, and I didn’t care that I have a lot of food sensitivities that stress my body out and ate just about everything regardless. I went on some long nature walks.
I did everything I could to bury my emotions, and then I switched to facing them head on.
I wrote some poetry that I’ll probably never publish. I drew. I tried to play the harmonica like my Papa (grandpa) did. I sat and stared out of windows and just let myself think a lot.
I’m glad I took the time to accept my feelings. And I’m glad I have good friends who will meet with me over brunch and let me pour my heart out. And next weekend when my cousin has his wedding I will attend it with joy in my heart that life continues from here.